Getting pregnant seemed impossible. I had been diagnosed with a gross disease that causes infertility and weight gain and acne. Not only did I feel like a teenager again, but an infertile teenager. I felt as though I had been stripped of everything a woman is supposed to have. I felt less like myself then I had ever felt. I wasn't allowed to take anything for the depression due to trying to concieve. It felt like everyone around me for my year of being infertile were getting pregnant. In fact my sister in law had time to get pregnant and have her baby in the time it took me to finally concieve. It was depressing and I had to hold my head up and keep hope! I started taking a drug called Metformin which is actually a medication for people being a diabetic. The doctor said we would try this for about 3 months and if that didn't work she would refer me to my OBGYN, Dr. Weghorst. I went home feeling hopeful and full of life again. I bursted with joy with my new medication that helped millions of women with PolyCystic Ovarian Disease. I had hoped I would lose a couple pounds with the new medication as well. Not only did the three months DRAG by but I must have wasted a billion dollars on ovulation tests and pregnancy tests. Thinking I was pregnant every month was a drag. After all the time had passed I had emailed my doctor and she referred me to Dr. Weghorst and I was on my way to start fertility treatments.
I had dreams of having another baby and dreams of buying all the stuff and the 9 months it would take to prepare and cook this little baby. I had day dreams of buying girl stuff or boy stuff. What our future kid would look like. In this time TJ and I had talked and I told him about my dream of always wanting a big family of 3 or 4 kids however with the stress and weight gain I couldn't handle going through the whole process again. So we had decided as a unit this would most likely be our last. My whole life I had dreamed of a little girl and hoped we would have a little girl but knew if God handed me a boy I would be just as happy and that a little girl was just not in the cards for me.
I arrived the day of my first appointment anxious and ready to go. We did a whole procedure which included a full pap smear and exam of my downstairs area and an ultrasound of my uterus with the thing that looks like a dildo! It was awful! However he came to the conclusion I had cysts on my ovaries which was most definetely Polycystic Ovarian Disease. He prescribed me Clomid immediately which is a drug used to make your ovulation come. The first month we started on 50mg of clomid and I felt sad when the nurse called to tell me I hadn't ovulated and that we would up the dosage the next month. The bad news to upping the dosage was that it had horrible side effects that made you feel so pregnant you could barely stand it. Hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, breast tenderness and bloated. It was awful upping the dosage just made me feel discouraged. However I took the pills expierenced the discomfort and that month it ended up being our lucky month because we concieved! My doctor was concerned because I actually had 3 eggs drop and he was worried that 2 or 3 could have been fertilized and that I might have multiples on my hand. We spent a couple weeks thinking about what we would do if it were multiples. I had always wanted a big family but all at once worried me! We went to our first appointment on pins and needles and the first thing my doctor says to me as I got into the room ready for my ultrasound he said "You know theres a chance of multiples in your case right?" We knew and he got on to the ultrasound.
First thing we hear is there was only ONE home!! We were so happy and overjoyed!! Our perfect little baby who had fought through everything to make it to one of my eggs. I had hoped it wouldn't end to early with this baby. We were lucky to see the heartbeat and I felt good about our chances from here on out. The morning sickness was fierce and I was much more tired then I had been with Kaidan. I gagged and puked my way through first trimester and cheese was out of the question. I finally began to get better around 15 weeks. This pregnancy was so opposite of my first it was unbelievable. The babies heartbeat was continually in the 160-180's. Everything had pointed to a little girl ((well according to the old wives tales)) I just had a feeling it was a girl.
Knowing this was my last I was praying that God give me a baby girl. I love the relationship that girls have with there mothers and I dream of brushing her hair and putting cute little bows in her hair and dealing with boy troubles. However I told God if a girl was not in the cards and another little man was I would be just as happy and know he had a plan for that little boy. I was so nervous about what sex it was and was so excited I decided to do an elective scan at 17 weeks to find out the gender!! The day was here.. 12/26/2012!! My mother in law was the only one who had zero idea as we wanted to surprise her in a special way.
I walked in nervous and discouraged and had no idea why. I really didn't care either way and would be happy either way! I laid down on the bed in the dim light and watched the TV as she looked for girl or boy parts. The baby was crossed legged and difficult and moved around so much it was hard to even get a good image of the baby!
I guess the moral of the story is God has a plan for everything and me going through all the pain and embaressment of not being able to concieve had a really good ending! I would want it no other way and I really feel as though our family is complete and full of love! I love my family!
Our little girls name is AMELIYA LEEANN VANDERZANDEN.
